An opening

here is one other document I previously typed up. Some ideology has changed since but the majority of it still holds true. :

4/8/2011 12:33 AM

journal… night 1

Well I guess I really don’t have much to talk about I mean mentally im fine, just a tad bit confused. On so many levels to there is a lot that I don’t understand in my life to name a few of those areas: girls, emotions, school,society the list goes on and on. But I guess those are the biggest points id like to address. So as for girls I don’t understand what they want (as im sure any boys don’t) like I understand what they can be and I just wish I could find the one who gets me but once again so does everyone else but why do I think of my case to be as extreme ? is it because I need to share my life and thoughts with someone or do I just secretly crave someone to make me smile and be happy which I guess has a correlation to the emotional issue. I have a hard time being sympathetic to tragedies and I really don’t understand why people become sad or angry at different things, I have a hard time deciding between two different theories on this the first is that maybe its just because I have not experienced the problems others have or the other is that simply that I’m just an unemotional person that has no heart…. And actually I guess there is a third theory that not to be tooting my own horn or anything but maybe being as intelligent as I am I have gained a view that I should be unaffected by emotion because emotion is the biggest set back of intellectual gain yet oddly enough I still tend to use some of them mainly sadness and happiness though. Society is weird. Very weird. It effects me a lot like why do I have to put on this personality of mine to fit in why can’t I just be the quiet intellectual and slightly pessimistic kid I am? Does it have to do with the needs I have that can only be filled by being accepted by the peers that I want to be accepted by? Or is it more of a big picture thing that to go where I want to in life that I must first prove that I can be anyone I want to be and survive just fine? I don’t really know any of the answers to these questions but I feel that writing this down will help me just the same